January 2012
yngflkz:
“Settle down” I yell through the megaphone at the crowd of people waiting to apply to date me
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I want summer right now, I want Pemaquid and Cathedral Pines.
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Girl: Blink-182 is my favorite band!
Me: What's your favorite song?
Girl: After Midnight!
Police Officer: So why did you kill her?
Me: She's an idiot.
I just tried using Liam Neeson's speech from the...
Amazon Customer Service Rep: Sir, we're very sorry but your package won't ship until the 16th of September unless you upgrade your shipping.
Me: I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for overnight charges, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my package go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.
Amazon Customer Service Rep: I'm sorry sir, but you're going to have to talk to my sales manager.
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Anonymous asked: If you had to drink one alcoholic drink for the rest of your life what would it be?
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One of my childhood friends is turning fucking 20 tomorrow…..
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Today I unlocked someone else car with my car key and almost got in.
i’m confused as to why the government took down megaupload but left weheartit
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arjentina:
life update: i hate school and im still not hot
sourcechelseawoosh:
wtf what do 3/4 of my followers do because they sure don’t reblog or like my posts
seriously what do you guys do
are you waiting for something
what are you waiting for
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Everyone says they want to do something crazy and fun, but when given the chance they’re all so afraid of looking stupid they end up doing the same old things.
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helpmedrummer:
those people at school who you know you have a lot in common with but you’re too scared to talk to them so you don’t and it sucks